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While the world is fighting the pandemic, my world changed too and not just a bit but a whole 360 degrees in the last three months. I found emotions hidden in the dark corner of my mind and realized how much stronger one has to be to fight the demons within. However, all this does have a happy ending so keep reading and this post has two parts so don’t forget to read the next one too.
While everyone was either deep in sleep or maybe prepping for Valentine’s Day, I on the other hand was not sure how to break the news to the other members of the family including the man of the house.
Not that I was upset, sad, happy, or excited, I was in a daze for the longest time, to come around the fact that I am going back to the same road that I dreaded the most. My last pregnancy wasn’t bad but what followed after aka the delivery saga left a mental scar for me.
To give a bit of a background, I was all game for being a mom to another human. I had strong maternal instincts and I felt I needed another little human in my life. Reading through gazillion procedures, posts, papers, and whatnot I decided to opt for adoption. Discussed it with the man of the house, well, it wasn’t a smooth conversation because he is the practical one when it comes to decisions. There were many uncomfortable questions and we gave ourselves some time to know and understand more about adoption before taking the plunge.
Cut to the early morning of 14th February. When I say, I mean it… It was 5 a.m. and I couldn’t sleep the whole night on the 13th due to weird discomfort of my body. Knowing the symptoms of pregnancy I knew where this was headed and I just couldn’t wait any longer.
I took out the test and there it was staring at me, stirring the emotions I couldn’t explain. I took a deep breath and decided to double-check. The same result, two bright pink lines. Not to mention that I would sound like the worst mom on earth, my first sentence was “No effing way”. I didn’t cry, felt excited, or was sad. I was in a daze.
Kept the tests on the bedroom table and waited for my mind to streamline the thoughts. I didn’t know when the clock struck 8:30 am and I saw the humans moving from their deep sleep. Man of the house woke up, got up from the bed, and before heading to the washroom gave a peck on my cheek saying “Happy Valentines Day Biwi”. That’s it, I had to tell him. I gave him the test and his expression was unreadable but the words that left his lips were “Oh, S**T”.
He almost forgot that he had to pee Mirroring his expression my face was unreadable too. He smiled and so did I. He went to the washroom and took longer than usual, well, I can understand why.
While I didn’t know what to do next and brain denied comprehending the situation. I took a break from the phone and focused on streamlining what to do next.
There is a reason, we connect with the people and fall in love with their presence. I texted Taran @mommyandbabybug because she was the only human I could think of at this time to discuss anything under the sun. Gosh, these texts brought me back to reality and I cried buckets (let’s blame it on hormones).
She said she will be there in the next hour if I need her and then we can decide or discuss whatever was going on in my head. This, just this line is why this girl has my heart.
To be continued…
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