Dear readers, this post does not contain any expert advice or tips, I want to share something that has been bothering me for quite some time. I am looking for some answers to my questions and hopefully, by the end of this blog, I will be able to do justice to the storm of thoughts going in my head.
A few years ago, when the world was open for travel, I went on a trip without my kid and husband. I was on a flight and next to me was sitting a beautiful woman who looked a bit teary-eyed. Well, I am not someone who strikes a conversation with a stranger so, I decided to sit quietly and stared at my phone’s screen. The woman pulled a laptop from her bag and started something. A few minutes were passed in silence when she sheepishly looked at me and said ” what do you think sounds more formal to end an official letter, “Yours sincerely” or “just thanks & regards.”?
That’s how the conversation started, (let’s call her “Deepa” for the sake of this story) which went on for complete two hours, which was the actual duration of our flight. The lady looked like to be in her mid-thirties and was working with an IT firm. With our further communication, we both became comfortable with sharing few bits from each other’s life.
I told her the purpose of my trip and she was happy to meet the first woman in her life who left her kid at home with her father and came on a leisure trip. Don’t think this was the first time I have heard this. For the most part of my life, I have only met a handful of women who are a part of a household that understands the true meaning of equal parenting. She further mentioned that she was a mother of a 7 years old daughter and a divorcee. While she mentioned this, her eyes were looking at me like I was about to judge her. My heart knew what she was going through, no matter, which walks of life we women are crossing at, societal judgment has been a part of our daily existence.
A comment like “My husband allows me for a solo trip” or “How lucky I am to find a partner who knows how to change a nappy”, is a usual part of my daily conversations within my own extended family. Being a woman, a mother, and a divorcee comes with its own baggage of fighting the prejudice of how our life should be. I didn’t ask anything and yet was consumed by the guilt this woman was facing while sharing her inner doubts.
Divorce is a part of our life and not something that defines our character. Over the past few years, I have met many women who are carrying out the responsibility of single parents and simultaneously, owning their life like a queen. Yet, I fail to understand the stigma behind this topic or why is it even considered taboo. Being recognized as an equal gender by society feels like a far-fetched dream at the moment, given how we still can’t walk to our home alone without pepper spray.
After speaking to these women here is what I understood which needs your attention post-divorce and if you are a single parent:
- Even though there are many single mothers in the world today, you will still feel as though you are the only one. As harsh it may sound, You will feel that people are staring at you, feeling sorry for you, or seeing you as damaged goods.
- A woman needs to develop her independence, financially and individually. Your children need to see that there is a clean break yet you are there to hold the fort strong. Even if you are blessed with a good financial settlement you may still need time to get on your feet and get used to managing on your own.
- Single parenting after divorce can wear you out emotionally, financially, and physically. Restructuring your life and at the same time bringing up your child, while handling the social remarks in Indian society. Whether a child has one parent or more, children do well when they have parenting that’s nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive, and flexible.
- Seeing some challenging behavior from your child is pretty typical given the changes in his/her life. Take your time and give them time as well to adjust to this new arrangement. Children are sensitive and understand your emotional investment well enough.
- Last but not the least, taking good care of yourself is as vital as that of your child. uncontested divorce Birmingham Alabama is a place to turn to when you need to take care of your divorce settlements.
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